Friday, September 30, 2011

Back to the lab again.

Once again I am back to the old pavement pounding of contacting agencies/producers/Hollywood types. Going to these places with your hat in your hand looking for cash… well it kind of sucks. The problem is, I know my movie is funny, the people I give my movie to know it’s funny, however with no backing pushing my humor to these people, they could give a shit if my movie is funny. Over the last three days I have literally sent out over 500 emails. I've activated Hotmail's SPAM filter so many times it's not even funny. Also, I had one agency type who asked me for a $600 dollar advance to get him to work on my film.

[ mostly I'm not the type to bow to censorship, however my wife and some trusted advisors have explained various reasons why having further explanation of the bad agent transaction on here would be bad juju.... so, I edited it all out.

Know this: That shit was funny. if you read it before the editing on Oct. 1st, you know what's up. ]

Sorry to digress, anyway I basically I need an industry person pushing this movie. It's killin’ me, because none of these damn people want to look at my script. It’s a sick cycle because any agency I go to (and actually get through to someone) wants to talk to a producer. Then, when I do get a hold of anyone in the production side they want to talk to a representative from an agency.

Lol! It’s jhilarious fun!!

I’m actually watching ‘The Greatest Movie Ever Sold’ while I’m doing this work. This guy is literally cold-calling everyone in the corporate world trying to get someone to finance his film. It’s speaks to me, brutha.

His success seems like it is coming from smaller corporations (Coca Cola ain’t signing any checks this year) first, which is then snowballing into bigger stuff. You’ve got to have the small successes to push into the bigger successes. Something which also helped was he had a buddy in the marketing business. That guy introduced him to a smaller deodorant company, which then set a precedent for other people to start latching on.


If anyone out there has an ‘in’ to movies, holler at yer boy:

If anyone out there has a cousin in the industry, get at me:

If you, yourself would like to toss $$$ my way, door’s open:


Seriously, all I wanted to do was have a movie in which I could showcase butchers behaving badly. Who knew I’d have to basically crawl on my knees through every square inch of Hollywood’s gutters giving B.J.’s and Z.J.’s like the village bicycle?


Well, ain’t nothing I never did in college on a Friday night!!

Related note- I’m still up in the air on re-writing ‘Meat Men’ as a book. I can’t decide whether the jokes will translate to literary medium. So many of them are either visual or auditory or have some sort of that element I’m concerned with them getting lost in translation. Heh.

I guess I'll leave it as that. Not too much in the way of high financing happening, still just little old me trying to reach out and touch someone.

See you next time, same Meat Men time, same Meat Men channel!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

At Long Last...

Lost but not forgotten.

Yes, it has been a great deal of time since I posted anything. Unlike most people I’m not going to give you the general “I’ve been busy” b.s. excuse. Seriously, I’ve been working my ass off:

This is one of the few times I’ll get personal here, so just bare with me. As we all know, by trade I am a Meat Man. I run a meat market for a large supermarket chain which will go unnamed. Recently I was moved to a larger location which is basically a warzone of a grocery store. Added to that, four of my employees suffered individual tragedies (Simpsons Baseball episode style) and were unable to work. So, Daddy was left with the responsibility of churning out 15- 20,000 worth of meat solo.

… it’s been fun.





… but I digress.

I have been working on the movie internally, thinking about different avenues and things I could do. Recently I gave a copy of the script to the real Bill the Butcher, who freaking loved it. Billy is behind this 100%, so you know it’s got to be good. I also gave a copy of the script to the real Justin. I figure these guys have a right to know the shit that I wrote based on them.

Certain things have gone by the wayside, but one thing Bill said to me really stuck: "This movie is freakin’ hilarious. Put it into a book. People will be behind it, and not just me.”

Although I’ve been trying to avoid it, I guess that’s what’s hot on the streets: Daddy’s got to hit the ground running and turn the script into a book.

As I think of more crap I’ll add it in, but for right now that’s my new project. Take the script of 'Meat Men', use it as a rough draft, and write a basic book around it. Shouldn't be hard, just time consuming. time, which is definitley a hot commodity in my life.

Eh, what else do I have to do, right?




Until then, I'll be right here, same Meat time, same Meat channel!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Self Promotion – Marketing

As of late I’ve been researching several things: how to make a movie, steps needed to make a movie, people required in making a movie. Along with that, I’ve been researching how to develop my own personal writing identity so as to gain a reputation and get noticed. Basically, I realized no matter how badly I want this movie to be made or how good this script actually is, if I don’t market myself and the movie heavily, nothing will ever happen.

To that end I’ve started a Facebook page;

(If you haven’t yet please friend us)!/

A myspace page:

Established a email address:

There’s also a full website for which I’ve registered the domain name, it’s still under construction, however.

And obviously there’s this blog which you are reading.


Along with all of those things I am also creating content regarding the movie as much as possible.

As for me personally and my own writing, I don’t really want to put all of my eggs into one basket. Statistically speaking I have a better chance at being published/discovered if I put more stuff out into the world. To that end I have decided to start publishing humorous articles on in an effort to get my writing out there. All of this crap I’m doing now is called ‘formatting’ and it’s what successful writers do to develop their style while establishing themselves as professionals.

Who knew all of this extra b.s. just to get someone to read a script about a bunch of guys making dick and fart jokes in a meat market? Sweet Lord why didn’t I just go to Law School?

Any how, more on all of these processes soon and some of my potential article pitches…

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Blast from the Past

(disclaimer- this is NOT about the Brendan Fraser movie of the same name)

So let me tell you a story about two guys that met in the fifth grade. Dave Radke and Derrick Tribbett. The cool kid and the fat nerdy kid. Out of nowhere the cool kid decided to take a chance on being buddies with the long haired fat kid, and after an afternoon of jamming out to 'Wild Wild West' a friendship was born.

We hung out for about four years even after Derrick's parents decided to move to the other side of Jacksonville. We went to different junior high schools; however we were still buddies and would spend nights and weekends at each other's various residences just doing what we did best.

What we did best, it would appear; was making shoddy movies on our parents' low-rent VHS equiptment. These videos covered such topics ranging from stealing cars, gangsters getting regular jobs, fake music videos, Russian mail-order commercials, and celebrity spoofs.

For us, we were recreating the things we'd seen in popular media, oftentimes word for word.

(Still considering suing the makers of 'The Matrix' for stealing our concepts)

It was a great deal of clean fun, making our 'D and D Productions' as we called them. After a couple of years Derrick's family moved south to Cape Coral Florida and although we never really lost touch we did move on two seperate paths with our lives:

Derrick --------------- Me

Me --------------------- Derrick

Derrick ----------------- Me

Both good paths, however now with this movie I see a possible reconnection. It could be time to take our 'D and D Productions' film company out of the attic, dust it off, and shoot it up with some new life. What would that look like? I'm willing ito bet it would be:

So, that's my new direction for 'Meat Men'. I intend to get with Derrick and give him my script, see what he thinks and if it's something he'd be interested in starring in. We can take my idea, what I've already been creating with and for this movie, my contacts; combine that with Derrick's raw comedic talent and his resources. On top of that, we throw together all of our raw ambition... Well, as Jimmie Wing down at Palatine Records always says: "Cream always rises, super duper!"

We'll see.... ....

Stay tuned to this Meat Channel for my next update: "First Contact" - This one is in video form!

Friday, June 17, 2011

New Poster

Check out our new poster!!

Also, just for fun, here's a little something about my boy Finch trying to do it 'Meat Man' style!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Agent/ Search For Representation PART TWO

… more on my exploits of getting my film ‘Meat Men’ made.

Well, as I was relating last blog-time, I had gotten to realize that this script is going to need some sort of representation and $$$ to get it off the ground. Much to my dismay a great deal of futile attempts had basically led to nothing, so I decided to take the task into my own hands.

Reason 1
I sell better in person. You can’t put your foot in the doorway and block it from closing via email. Doesn’t work as well.

Reason 2
For my own sense of self worth, I’d rather be crapped on in person. A good ol’ Stanley Steamer just feels better when you can look ‘em in the eye.

Reason 3
Daddy got bored.

Ok, so I found an agency here in Savannah (thank you Mr. Brian Albano for your help). This guy’s website sounded perfect: Smaller shop, looking for lower budget comedies esp. character pieces, evidentially mucho contacts… blah blah blah. The kind of place that would take a chance on an un-known writer like myself.

[For professionalism I’ll allude to who this agency is, but I’m not telling names]

I read up on the agency’s requirements, made up a little synopsis, then gussied myself up and headed on down. Should have known from the beginning that kind of a b.s. deal was about to go down. His office was in a very small part of Savannah, basically the outskirts. Being that it was tucked into the scenic outpost of an industrial loop, who wouldn’t have thought this was the place you go to get million dollar movies made?

I rolled up at 9 am, which was when the place was supposed to open, and checked the door: still locked. As I basically stood there gaping through the tinted windows, I hear this guy pulling up behind me. He gets out of his sweet Dodge Charger and asks what I was doing; I explained who I was and how I wanted to bring the synopsis of ‘Meat Men’ down in person. His remark was “Kind of weird, but ok.”

So, we go inside this little place and take a seat. As he looks over my synopsis I’m checking out his place. Small. From what I saw it was basically an inter-office meeting room and then his little office. He had some stuff up on the walls of what he’s done, but nothing too impressive. Lots of books on films and the proverbial ‘casting couch’, on which I was sitting (note to self: burn those pants). He read the synopsis and said he’ll read the actual script. I walked out on air, feeling like a baller. Great.

The next week I bring him my screenplay, all printed up and purty. This right here is the moment where I started thinking, ok, this is kind of crap:
First of all, I could see over his shoulder he was working on some sort of car-show/pharmacist convention something or other… not what I expected. Secondly, he asked if I would like to do some ‘in-front of the camera work’ and he had this modeling gig he thought I could do. I said “no, thanks I appreciate that but I really want to make money off of my mind”. He asked again in that slightly pushy yet nice guy way and I again steered the convo back to the screenplay. He went on with a slightly insulted manner to paw through my script.

As he looks at it we get talking and he’s asking me all kinds of questions and making all kinds of observations: What’s the budget? Man, your formatting looks like crap. Who do you see playing these characters? What would you compare this to? Oh, you can’t say ‘cum-guzzling queen’. What’s the demographic this is aimed at?
All kinds of questions, all kinds of answers. He even handed me a copy of The People VS. Larry Flynt, the Hustler movie so I could look at the proper formatting.
While we were talking I was flipping through Larry’s super-sexual exploits. It made for a very surreal scene, if I ever were to write it, say for a blog.

The third thing that hit me as being ‘off’ was he implied I would have to act as executive producer, being that this is my first film and I’m an unknown. (Dude, if I’m an executive producer, WTF do I need your ass for?)

We sort of ended on the ‘ok, give me a week and I’ll see if I can get through your script’ note. I left, this time somewhat less impressed. However, this was a real agent and he could be the guy to open some doors, so I still figured let’s see what happens.

At the same time, I began thinking of myself less as just a writer, and more as a producer. What moves would need to happen to get this off the ground? Who could I contact? Who do I know that could/would help get things moving? – More on this next time in ‘BLAST FROM THE PAST’.

I waited two weeks to give the man some time to get his head around my movie and its humor, and then called him. Our conversation went pretty much no-where:. I told him I had some ideas as to casting/producing/marketing and he told me that didn’t matter, all I needed was money. Secondly, he said he was ‘halfway through’ the script, which to me meant he hadn’t touched it since he put it down right in front of me. I ended with “All righty then. Let me know if you get someone who wants to throw down some money to make this film. Have a good day, sir!” (Always polite, my biggest failure in personality)

So that was that. I really don’t expect to hear from Johnny Movie anytime soon, however I’ve moved on to bigger and better things. More on that next week!

Tune back in, same Meat time, same Meat channel!!